Trouser tango...

My reward at the end of a day is usually a peanut butter and honey sandwich and a nice glass of milk... or handfuls chocolates, a pocket full of cookies, or anything else I find from around the house. I do not refrain from eating ancient Halloween candy, expired Easter chocolate, or the weird stuff I find in the back of the cupboard that I don't remember buying...(I'm not sure if perhaps it was left here by a previous owner.) My maniacal munching does not help with the horrid pants dance...Not that I had expected to fit into any of my prior pre pregnancy pants... Even my maternity pants are a little ill fitting at present time, and when faced with the daily obstacle of getting dressed, I find my choices very limited. And getting dressed is sometimes exhausting! Oh yes...."The Pants Dance"..., At first I step into my closet to examine the contents and decide where I want to start this terrible, tedious,twisted, tango of attempting to make myself presentable to the outside world. (There must be some stitch of clothing other than my plus size pregnancy pajamas....) Now I am at the stage where maternity clothes just don't fit and regular clothes, well... just don't fit.  A few discoveries I've made with the cesareans section; bikini cut panties not cool, low rise jeans also not cool, most clothes in general not so cool because after a cesarean section you have this extra "flap"  or demi roll to deal with.... This may be a little TMI, but with this flap comes some confusion, do you pull it over your pants, do you tuck it in your pants, or do you use restrictive binding underwear to try and squish it into oblivion.... The daily dressing dilemma takes up a lot of time as my size seems to change constantly! I understand this could be due to my nighttime snacking... Rewarding myself for a days hard work with titillating, tasty, treats. For instance, I get the laundry done that's worth a chocolate. I get the dishes done that's worth a cookie. I make dinner that's worth a handful of Cheezie's.... I am food motivated what can I say...? Now the pants dance... After selecting the pants I wish to wear, I slide my feet into the leg holes, apprehensively pull the pants up to my knees, then I begin hopping, jumping, twisting and wriggling in an attempt to get the pants up over my thighs, past my hips, and ultimately onto my waist.  Apparently this is quite a spectacle, because I seem to draw a crowd every time. My two wonderful children stare in awe as they watch me uncomfortably undulate while tediously tugging up on my pants... I figure this is almost a workout, and perhaps I burn calories while doing it... After all I can wipe a bead of sweat off my brow before I prepare for the grand finale... Halting my spasm like contortions, I flop on my bed suck in my belly, and attempt to fasten my pants.... My success is usually determined by how dexterous I am that given day... Buttons are not a welcome finish at the end of the pants dance and snaps are usually a horrible disappointment!! (Kapow!!) I realize it takes time to bring your body back after baby... But one of these days I know I will be calling an ambulance while laying on my floor in horrible pain after a disastrous pants dance misstep! So next week, I'll be concentrating my efforts back to the workouts on the Wii, and hopefully my pants dance will be a little less vigorous and dangerous!!